Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
Spam Fried Rice?
I always thought that Hawaii would be a great place to visit, but this is making me wonder....
According to MSNBC "Isle residents consume more than 5 million pounds of Spam a year, an average of about six cans for every man, woman and child."
The king is now offering Spam croissants and a Spam, eggs and rice plate in Hawaii. Whaaa?
I was expecting lots of seafood, maybe some kind of Asian food with a tropical twist, but spam?
Hawaii, I am very disappointed in you.
According to MSNBC "Isle residents consume more than 5 million pounds of Spam a year, an average of about six cans for every man, woman and child."
The king is now offering Spam croissants and a Spam, eggs and rice plate in Hawaii. Whaaa?
I was expecting lots of seafood, maybe some kind of Asian food with a tropical twist, but spam?
Hawaii, I am very disappointed in you.
Tennessee Travels Cont'd....
Friday- After a three hour car ride to Memphis we visited the King's house. Yes, I have been in Graceland and I guess it would be alright if you kissed my feet although I have showered since my visit.
The tour wasn't all I expected, no one is allowed on the second floor because it's Elvis' private space.... although that makes me believe even more that he is alive.
I was bummed that didn't get to see the toilet that Elvis "died" on, but I guess the kitchen where he made peanut butter banana sandwiches was good consolation. The living room was pretty cool because it was decorated like a jungle and I was pleasantly surprised by all of Elvis' ceramic monkeys throughout the house.
His grave site was impressive-- there were tons of people looking sad, but I think it should be a crime to look sad at Graceland.
After Elvis we ventured down to Beale Street -- which was 73 kinds of awesome-- and had some tasty BBQ and drinks at the Rum Boogie Cafe. I got a bucket from Silky O'Sullivan and basked in the neon while listening to Big Jerry play the blues in an alley (his band was amazing). We went into the Double Deuce, but neither Dalton or Sam Elliot were working so we went to Wet Willies for grain alcohol-laden frozen drinks. Beale Street got pretty crowded after dark, but you can carry your drink out of the bar and down the street to listen to live blues and jazz coming from almost every bar.
I don't remember much after that besides being called a little lamb while I bought corn nuts at a gas station....
Saturday- I restrained myself from drowning children in a scaled down replica of the Mississippi River at Mud Island Park. The replica was super sweet-- it followed the river from start to finish and even covered large tributaries. You could wade in the "Mississippi" and my travel companion especially enjoyed hopping over the "Mississippi" in small bounds.
We then hit the Pink Palace Museum, which has one of those big keyboards like the one in 'Big.' On the way back we passed the Memphis Scientologist "Church" and I gave it the bird and wished for napalm.
Then we went to the Peabody to see the Peabody ducks. Every day tons of people gather around a fountain in this old hotel at 11 a.m. and 5 p.m. to watch ducks come out of an elevator (from their home at the top of the hotel) and into the fountain in the lobby. I was amazed that the ducks didn't go apeshit (or would it be duckshit?) and attack-- there was a huge crowd and the flashbulbs were going off. I expected a King Kong scenario, but got a Disney movie.
Oh well, they can't all be winners.
I finally got to play some skee ball and then went to the Blues City Cafe where I had the best ribs ever. Beale Street was calling so we went for more drinks and saw an Elvis impersonator who sang 'You Were Always on my Mind.' Elvis didn't do that song originally, but I must say that any song sounds better when Elvis sings it.
Sunday- 10 hours of hell in the car. I counted 22 Waffle Houses and four adult book stores.
The tour wasn't all I expected, no one is allowed on the second floor because it's Elvis' private space.... although that makes me believe even more that he is alive.
I was bummed that didn't get to see the toilet that Elvis "died" on, but I guess the kitchen where he made peanut butter banana sandwiches was good consolation. The living room was pretty cool because it was decorated like a jungle and I was pleasantly surprised by all of Elvis' ceramic monkeys throughout the house.
His grave site was impressive-- there were tons of people looking sad, but I think it should be a crime to look sad at Graceland.
After Elvis we ventured down to Beale Street -- which was 73 kinds of awesome-- and had some tasty BBQ and drinks at the Rum Boogie Cafe. I got a bucket from Silky O'Sullivan and basked in the neon while listening to Big Jerry play the blues in an alley (his band was amazing). We went into the Double Deuce, but neither Dalton or Sam Elliot were working so we went to Wet Willies for grain alcohol-laden frozen drinks. Beale Street got pretty crowded after dark, but you can carry your drink out of the bar and down the street to listen to live blues and jazz coming from almost every bar.
I don't remember much after that besides being called a little lamb while I bought corn nuts at a gas station....
Saturday- I restrained myself from drowning children in a scaled down replica of the Mississippi River at Mud Island Park. The replica was super sweet-- it followed the river from start to finish and even covered large tributaries. You could wade in the "Mississippi" and my travel companion especially enjoyed hopping over the "Mississippi" in small bounds.
We then hit the Pink Palace Museum, which has one of those big keyboards like the one in 'Big.' On the way back we passed the Memphis Scientologist "Church" and I gave it the bird and wished for napalm.
Then we went to the Peabody to see the Peabody ducks. Every day tons of people gather around a fountain in this old hotel at 11 a.m. and 5 p.m. to watch ducks come out of an elevator (from their home at the top of the hotel) and into the fountain in the lobby. I was amazed that the ducks didn't go apeshit (or would it be duckshit?) and attack-- there was a huge crowd and the flashbulbs were going off. I expected a King Kong scenario, but got a Disney movie.
Oh well, they can't all be winners.
I finally got to play some skee ball and then went to the Blues City Cafe where I had the best ribs ever. Beale Street was calling so we went for more drinks and saw an Elvis impersonator who sang 'You Were Always on my Mind.' Elvis didn't do that song originally, but I must say that any song sounds better when Elvis sings it.
Sunday- 10 hours of hell in the car. I counted 22 Waffle Houses and four adult book stores.
Gullible's Travels
The first day back to work after vacation is always like a root canal, although the 10-hour drive back yesterday does come close.
Here's a short run down of my travels over the last week, because I know everyone's interested:
Tues- After a six hour drive in which we passed 26 (yes, I counted) Cracker Barrels, two hitchhikers and two traveling porta-potties, we arrived in Nashville and went to the Willie Nelson Museum, which is just as kickass as it sounds. Then to Cooter's, the Dukes of Hazard Museum which had Daisy Duke Underoos, a Boss Hogg costume and other amazing junk.
Weds- First a visit to the scale-replica of Greece's Parthenon and then off to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which I enjoyed even though I hate country music (really just the recent stuff).
Somehow in all my planning I failed to notice that Thursday through Sunday was the County Music Association's annual music festival. I've never heard of them, but all these famous names were there. We even stumbled upon a parade, but I didn't recognize a soul even though women were screaming and throwing panties.
After checking out the bar scene along Broadway and eating a BLT with roasted apples on it (I don't know how it tasted so good, I'm in strong opposition of the whole fruit on sandwiches and in salads thing) we met up with a former co-worker** for more drinks.
** As for our former co-worker I'm happy to report that everything seems to be going well and his new office is much cooler than the old.
Thurs- I got drunk off fumes while touring the Jack Daniel's Distillery in the dry town of Lynchburg. Really, we breathed in 140 proof fumes that cleared my nasal cavities while learning everything there is to know about making whiskey. We even got to see the safe that eventually caused Jack's death.
I bought a tasty-looking collector's bottle of Jack that is being retired this year and then toured Lynchburg, which took a grand total of 5 minutes.
At the Grand 'Ole Opry Museum I learned everything I'd ever want to know and more about Minnie Pearl (her most recent fame from the Bloodhound Gang's 'A Lap Dance is so Much Better When the Stripper is Crying'). I went to the Cock of the Walk and ate "the world's best catfish," but I've had better. We then enjoyed some after dinner drinks with our former co-worker at a micro brewery that made me wish I drank beer.
More on travels in Memphis will come soon.....
Here's a short run down of my travels over the last week, because I know everyone's interested:
Tues- After a six hour drive in which we passed 26 (yes, I counted) Cracker Barrels, two hitchhikers and two traveling porta-potties, we arrived in Nashville and went to the Willie Nelson Museum, which is just as kickass as it sounds. Then to Cooter's, the Dukes of Hazard Museum which had Daisy Duke Underoos, a Boss Hogg costume and other amazing junk.
Weds- First a visit to the scale-replica of Greece's Parthenon and then off to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which I enjoyed even though I hate country music (really just the recent stuff).
Somehow in all my planning I failed to notice that Thursday through Sunday was the County Music Association's annual music festival. I've never heard of them, but all these famous names were there. We even stumbled upon a parade, but I didn't recognize a soul even though women were screaming and throwing panties.
After checking out the bar scene along Broadway and eating a BLT with roasted apples on it (I don't know how it tasted so good, I'm in strong opposition of the whole fruit on sandwiches and in salads thing) we met up with a former co-worker** for more drinks.
** As for our former co-worker I'm happy to report that everything seems to be going well and his new office is much cooler than the old.
Thurs- I got drunk off fumes while touring the Jack Daniel's Distillery in the dry town of Lynchburg. Really, we breathed in 140 proof fumes that cleared my nasal cavities while learning everything there is to know about making whiskey. We even got to see the safe that eventually caused Jack's death.
I bought a tasty-looking collector's bottle of Jack that is being retired this year and then toured Lynchburg, which took a grand total of 5 minutes.
At the Grand 'Ole Opry Museum I learned everything I'd ever want to know and more about Minnie Pearl (her most recent fame from the Bloodhound Gang's 'A Lap Dance is so Much Better When the Stripper is Crying'). I went to the Cock of the Walk and ate "the world's best catfish," but I've had better. We then enjoyed some after dinner drinks with our former co-worker at a micro brewery that made me wish I drank beer.
More on travels in Memphis will come soon.....
Monday, June 4, 2007
More on HC
I was listening to NPR and I heard one clueless voter say she would vote for Hilary Clinton based solely on the fact that she's a woman.
.... Does anyone else see significant problems with that kind of reasoning? If HC is president we can only hope for that sort of like-minded reasoning.-- 'The president of France called me ugly so we're going to bomb him,' or 'The Queen of England said she liked my shoes so I'm putting an embargo on all trading with the exception of England.'
I'm not saying that we can't have a female president, I'm just saying we should be a little but more choosy. Maybe someone who's not hideous, obnoxious and can keep her husband in line.
I also feel very comfortable with questioning the 'fact' that HC is a woman. Where's the proof?
.... Does anyone else see significant problems with that kind of reasoning? If HC is president we can only hope for that sort of like-minded reasoning.-- 'The president of France called me ugly so we're going to bomb him,' or 'The Queen of England said she liked my shoes so I'm putting an embargo on all trading with the exception of England.'
I'm not saying that we can't have a female president, I'm just saying we should be a little but more choosy. Maybe someone who's not hideous, obnoxious and can keep her husband in line.
I also feel very comfortable with questioning the 'fact' that HC is a woman. Where's the proof?
Canada is looking Viable
My greatest fear is coming closer to reality each day.
I keep hearing about presidential debates and hearing Hilary Clinton referred to as a "front runner" makes my sphincter tighten.
I can't imagine her as president and every time I try I go into seizures. Really.
I can only hope that in the post-apocalyptic world in which Hilary Clinton is president that I am far, far away from America.
What country is furthest away from America? That's where you'll be able to find me if Clinton wins in 2008.
God help us all.
I keep hearing about presidential debates and hearing Hilary Clinton referred to as a "front runner" makes my sphincter tighten.
I can't imagine her as president and every time I try I go into seizures. Really.
I can only hope that in the post-apocalyptic world in which Hilary Clinton is president that I am far, far away from America.
What country is furthest away from America? That's where you'll be able to find me if Clinton wins in 2008.
God help us all.
Friday, June 1, 2007
Global Warming? Never Heard of It
Yesterday a top NASA guy told NPR he doesn't think global warming will be a bad thing for earth.
Today the scientific community is all but calling for his crucifixion.
When the AP called the NASA guy for a comment, he wouldn't talk. But NASA's public relations did blame NPR for asking him about global warming....?
In other global warming news, Bush has finally admitted that he believes in global warming and will even start working on some restrictions to reduce emissions.
Al Gore reportedly said 'Finally!' and then packed up his industrial-strength hairdryer and left the Arctic.
Today the scientific community is all but calling for his crucifixion.
When the AP called the NASA guy for a comment, he wouldn't talk. But NASA's public relations did blame NPR for asking him about global warming....?
In other global warming news, Bush has finally admitted that he believes in global warming and will even start working on some restrictions to reduce emissions.
Al Gore reportedly said 'Finally!' and then packed up his industrial-strength hairdryer and left the Arctic.
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