Zombie Strippers -- take your whole family to see it!

Because I know everyone is curious, I went to see Zombie Strippers at the Gateway yesterday and it rocked my socks.

Robert Englund, better known as Freddie Krueger, and Jenna Jameson were in it as well as some unknowns who did a decent job. The movie was absolutely ridiculous -- and when I say ridiculous I MEAN RIDICULOUS -- and riddled with stereotypes and boobies, but with a title like Zombie Strippers what else can you expect?

The cheese factor was high, but movies like Zombie Strippers can't afford not to make fun of themselves. Robert Englund is awesome as the sleazy strip club owner and really the only likable character, besides the extremely stereotypical janitor, Paco. There is plenty of gore (though a few scenes were pretty badly done), but the makeup was awesome. Jenna Jameson looked absolutely hideous for most of the movie and she played her part well. There's an incredibly cheesy fight scene between two zombie strippers and the zombies stripping are pretty funny too.

My only complaints were the unneeded military and the political statements the movie tried to make by continually bashing GW. The movie starts out not so far into the future where GW is taking his fourth term in office with Arnold as VP and Jenna Bush as Supreme Court Justice. It annoyed me that a film so clearly out to be cheesy and over the top had to bash the pres. Why try to make a statement? Just show us zombies and strippers damnit!

But all in all, its a great movie to watch, be entertained and not be tempted to think, at all. I'd try to catch it soon to. From what I've heard, it a limited engagement.

Oh happy day!

Sometimes I think fate is too good to me. I just found out that George A. Romero (iconic zombie film-maker, for those of you who don't know) is working on a new film called the Diary of the Dead.

Please breathe regularly and remain seated. I know my brain almost exploded in happiness when I found out.

From what I understand so far is the movie starts out with some college kids in the woods making a film on mummies when all hell breaks loose and the zombies come. From there I think it's the basic zombie survival movie, although one kid keeps filming throughout the whole incident.

So who knows if it will have some of the feel of Blair Witch or the Descent, but $10 says it's going to kick serious ass.

Dead Alive Changed My Life

I used the fourth of July to celebrate my right to watch cheesy horror movies and it may become a tradition. Thanks to Blockbuster.com (no this is not a commercial) I watched Re-Animator and Dead Alive.

I'm a little ashamed to say I'd never seen Re-Animator before and have been waiting forever for the chance. It was as cool as microwaving a zombie baby, but I must admit I was much more impressed with Dead Alive.

***Warning, More Baby Violence to Follow***

I don't know how to effectively communicate how cool Dead Alive was, so I'll say this:

The main character takes a zombie baby to the park in a baby carriage and when it escapes he has to step on it, launch a swing at it's head and pound it's head on a pole. After he gets it under control he stuffs it into a bag and explains his behavior by saying "Hyperactive" to horrified on-lookers.

There is also zombie fighting with a lawn mower and a kung-fu who priest says "I kick arse for the Lord."

I'm sure my humble description does not do this horrifically funny zombie movie justice, but if you're a fan watch it. And it was directed by the guy who did The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Can Zombies Contribute to Society?

Your guess is as good as mine, but some think they can.

Obey traffic laws...

Saturday evening was the Columbus Zombie Walk and it was 51 flavors of kick ass.
I got to meet the dead body guy and got tons of compliments on my leg gash.
I really don't know what else to say about how absolutely cool it was, besides noting the zombie camaraderie-- or would it zomradarie? The at least 100 undead from Columbus were sharing blood and body parts, and the zombie togetherness almost made my zombie eyes tear up with blood.
Those of you who missed the zombie shenanigans should be sad... you never know when another outbreak will come.

It's not easy being Dead

Yesterday I began my quest to find awesome and convincing makeup for my foray into the zombie nation this weekend. A trip to Yankee Trader downtown, however, left me a little disheartened as they had no white or black face paint.
I asked the workers WTF? and I got thrown out. So with little to work with, I must forage around Columbus for other costume shops.
I could use white out and magic markers for my makeup if worse comes to worse, but I pray that it doesn't come to that.
Perhaps I should try some method costuming and ask someone to bury me tonight. Maybe if I feel like a zombie I will look like one....

Sadness is Ice Cream

Or rather the lack of it.

I'm a little bummed because the Ice Cream Festival in Uttica is this weekend. I went last year and it was cool, but there were too many children there. I live under the belief, though, that ice cream should be celebrated properly and that is the perfect venue.

I won't be able to enjoy ice cream on Saturday because I'll be dead or undead and getting ready to go camping. I guess my only option is to get my shit together early and go terrorize children at the ice cream festival before the zombie walk.

Q: Will I get kicked out of the zombie union for eating ice cream?
A: Not of its from a child's skull.

As long as I'm ruining festivals I may as well make a pit stop at the Asian Festival. Although I'm curious, do they admit zombies or only Mothra and Godzilla?
48 hours till zombification and already I'm feeling their plight.

Viva el morte!

The title probably doesn't make much sense, but I only took two semesters of Spanish in college and at that time I was drinking heavily.

My point is, Zombie Walk Columbus is two days away and I can barely restrain myself from practicing my zombie walk and moan around the office.

I tore up an old T-shirt last night and can't wait to see how it looks with lots of blood on it. I also anticipate practicing with some makeup. It's been awhile since I've donned the garb of my zombie brothren, so I am a bit nervous. I don't want my makeup to suck so I look like a tranny who got beat up instead of a member of the undead nation.

For anyone not in the know, the walk starts at 5 p.m. Saturday in Goodale Park and I'll be there will blood on... literally.

From what I've been able to find out so far, we're going to drag our corpses to the Convention Center where (believe it or not) the Multiple Alternative Realities Convention, or MarCon, is going on. I guess the zombie walk people were asked by the nerds to do a walk through, so we'll see if I can restrain myself from dinning on geek a la mode. The plan is to walk to Sin City, who is doing makeup for some zombies, and then return to Goodale Park where we will battle with the living.

After we eat some braiiiiinnnnns it's off to the House of Nightmares in the Brewery District and the bars for some, although my maggot-infested ass is going camping.

So expect pictures and stories next week.

Hopefully tales of arrest will not be included.