RIP

Condolenses go out to all victims of black Thursday and the resulting fallout of Sewage Friday. If comfort can be offered it will most likely come in the form of gunfire out at the farm next weekend amidst booze and peanutbutter ice cream.

In other sad news, my Happy Sunshine Foundation funds remain at $0. Please send me donations. I can think of no better way to wash away this week's drudgery than firing a cannon off the cliffs of my sunburned tropical island. You all can come and enjoy the show, but I warn you the boat has sprung a leak and the dolphins aren't always dependable for a ride.