Zombie Strippers -- take your whole family to see it!

Because I know everyone is curious, I went to see Zombie Strippers at the Gateway yesterday and it rocked my socks.

Robert Englund, better known as Freddie Krueger, and Jenna Jameson were in it as well as some unknowns who did a decent job. The movie was absolutely ridiculous -- and when I say ridiculous I MEAN RIDICULOUS -- and riddled with stereotypes and boobies, but with a title like Zombie Strippers what else can you expect?

The cheese factor was high, but movies like Zombie Strippers can't afford not to make fun of themselves. Robert Englund is awesome as the sleazy strip club owner and really the only likable character, besides the extremely stereotypical janitor, Paco. There is plenty of gore (though a few scenes were pretty badly done), but the makeup was awesome. Jenna Jameson looked absolutely hideous for most of the movie and she played her part well. There's an incredibly cheesy fight scene between two zombie strippers and the zombies stripping are pretty funny too.

My only complaints were the unneeded military and the political statements the movie tried to make by continually bashing GW. The movie starts out not so far into the future where GW is taking his fourth term in office with Arnold as VP and Jenna Bush as Supreme Court Justice. It annoyed me that a film so clearly out to be cheesy and over the top had to bash the pres. Why try to make a statement? Just show us zombies and strippers damnit!

But all in all, its a great movie to watch, be entertained and not be tempted to think, at all. I'd try to catch it soon to. From what I've heard, it a limited engagement.

Lemmings

I wanted to see No Country for Old Men when I saw the preview. But after I heard from actual people that it was good, like a lemming, I scurried off to the movie.

I'm not at all saying I didn't like it. I liked it a lot. But when I left the movie, I felt like my soul had been gang raped. Repeatedly. Again, I'm not saying it wasn't entertaining or even a good movie, but it was depressing as hell. I liked the gory parts, but like the typical movie-going lemmings **Spoiler coming, folks** I was a little disappointed that most of the likable characters(especially the guy who started his career with the Goonies) died.

I watched another depressing movie the next day called Zombie Honeymoon. I thought a friend had seen it and liked it (he hasn't watched it yet) and the box said it was funny.

They lied. It was sad. It did not make me laugh as advertised, in fact, it made me cry.

What the hell is with all the depressing movies??? Is Hollywood trying to get rid of middle America by depressing them and making everyone off themselves?

I'm on to you, Hollywood...

The perfect villain

Watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade recently, I came to a realization... Nazis really are the perfect villains. They're brutal, hold crazy beliefs and are completely unlikeable (I mean think about the whole Jew thing).

Sure they're often good looking people -- you really can't go wrong with blond hair and blue
eyes -- but they're intolerant of pretty much everyone, stupid and completely evil. They also have ridiculous accents and clothes. And the way they goosestep is just plain silly.

It's enjoyable to see Indiana Jones kick so much Nazi ass and no matter how much abuse they take you never feel sorry for them, because you can't really relate to people who oppressed so many while following a short, angry man with a booger of a moustache.

Some things never die, like Mick Jagger

I haven't seen it yet, but I've been reading all these negative reviews for The Simpsons movie. Everyone is saying this movie is coming out 10 years too late or The Simpsons has lost its panache. What do I say to that? Worst. Review. Ever.

Sure everyone is entitled to their opinion, so I'll take this opportunity to show mine.

This movie was going to come sooner or later. Why not now, during a summer movie season that's sucking (with the exceptions of Knocked Up and Super Bad)? Sure I sometimes get annoyed with some of the new shows that are a bit too liberal for me, but the Simpsons is still entertaining and engaging.

As pointed out in one review, Homer is getting a bit more mean and stupid, but I think its funny. The show is evolving with time. Mr. Burns is getting more evil, Smithers more gay and Ralphie more screen time. Sure it will never be as good as it was in the 90's, but that's no reason to dog the show or not see the movie.

Anyway, how you can not see a movie with Spider Pig in it? It's almost a sin.

I'm the ghost with the most

I'm going to sound old, but I don't care. I have to say it: They don't make movies like they used to. Think about it-- Indiana Jones, The Thing, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, the Princess Bride, Goonies, Die Hard, Star Wars, Heathers.... I could go on and on.

Today's movies all seem like repeats and they're choked with computer generation and too much glitz. Whatever happened to the organic films with memorable scores, believable acting and original characters?

Take BeetleJuice-- Michael Keaton ruled the movie even though he was only on screen for about 15 minutes. The characters were original and mostly likable. Danny Elfman produced a score you recognize after hearing one bar. They even managed to fit a "fuck" and ball squeeze into a PG movie.

If BeatleJuice were made today it would be laden with special effects and lack all the fun of the original. I'm not saying there aren't good movies anymore, I'm just saying classics don't come along as often anymore.

And to Hollywood, please stop doing remakes of awesome movies. Johnny Depp's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory wasn't bad, but come on, how can you top the original?

My Deepest Apologies

I don't know how I've neglected to write about this until now, but my deepest apologies to you for not mentioning Ronald Reagan earlier.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I saw a movie earlier this month and it changed my life.
In The Tripper a Ronald Reagan-obsessed serial killer murders a bunch a hippies at a concert/love fest. I am not kidding either-- this is a real movie and it was as cool as 10 stripper heads in the freezer. It even had Jason Mewes and Paul Ruebens in it. Don't let the fact that it's a David Arquette flick deter you from seeing it (although his lovely wife makes a hilarious 30-second appearance).
Despite being very conservative, The Tripper (sadly) didn't spend the entire 90 minutes making fun of only liberals. It made fun of everyone, and hippies.
Fun facts about Ronnie were also strewn throughout the film, including his fondness of jelly beans.
I guess what I'm saying is if you want to be my friend, watch this movie. And if you don't want to be my friend but still like seeing hippies die, watch this movie.