Lemmings

I wanted to see No Country for Old Men when I saw the preview. But after I heard from actual people that it was good, like a lemming, I scurried off to the movie.

I'm not at all saying I didn't like it. I liked it a lot. But when I left the movie, I felt like my soul had been gang raped. Repeatedly. Again, I'm not saying it wasn't entertaining or even a good movie, but it was depressing as hell. I liked the gory parts, but like the typical movie-going lemmings **Spoiler coming, folks** I was a little disappointed that most of the likable characters(especially the guy who started his career with the Goonies) died.

I watched another depressing movie the next day called Zombie Honeymoon. I thought a friend had seen it and liked it (he hasn't watched it yet) and the box said it was funny.

They lied. It was sad. It did not make me laugh as advertised, in fact, it made me cry.

What the hell is with all the depressing movies??? Is Hollywood trying to get rid of middle America by depressing them and making everyone off themselves?

I'm on to you, Hollywood...

What kind of facial are we talking about here?

I just found out (thanks to Opie and Anthony) that my Cetaphil face wash is used as fake spunk on porno sets.

Does this mean I have to change my daily facial cleanser?

Also, for those of you not lucky enough to witness the hijinks's of my favorite Columbus TV news personality this week, you've missed: Johnny DiLoretto risking his life by taking a mixture of pop rocks and soda. OMG!
On Wednesday he was paired with the hacky radio hosts on the Brew. I think they had a douche-off.

I'm thinking a movie deal, or a book at least.

TV News does it again

This morning the Dispatch did something good. They poked fun at the local TV news stations for blowing today's "snow storm" out of proportion. It was well done, they talked about how to do it right and how to do it wrong.

I haven't seen other stations respond, but 10TV clearly took offense to the story. They did their own little segment on the Dispatch's story -- said they were right on and even talked to people on the street about what they thought about the coverage.

And then the dumb broad on the news had to say, "Just setting the story straight."

How about you just say, we can't take a joke or we don't like constructive criticism?

Make room in the trophy case

I hate to sound like Jerry Seinfeld but what’s up with all these series? The Dispatch has gone ape shit lately with series (is someone trying to catch up for contest season??).

It started out with the ABC's of Betrayal, which would have been a good series had they focused more on reporting news rather than making it.

The baby series that made me want to retch followed. I’ll admit it—I don’t like babies and I didn’t read the series at all. But is a seven-day series on a baby who’s been in the hospital forever with whogivesashit disease really necessary?

Now Fighting Fakes is gracing the pages and to be honest I thought it was an AP series at first. Is this series really worth it to foot the bill for a reporter’s trip to Thailand ?


Nope. I really tried to read it with the fact that it must have been an expensive piece to write so it may be worth it in my mind. But I completely lost interest by the fourth paragraph.

Is the Dispatch really trying to drum up pity for clothing companies? REALLY? I know my heart goes out to the multi-billion dollar companies who outsource and then charge ridiculous amounts of money for their clothes. I weep for them.


Couldn’t the money and manpower that went into this series be better spent elsewhere, on a more local subject? What about all the crime in Columbus ? What about the overcrowding in jails? I’m sure there are several better subjects the Dispatch could make news on, rather than burrowing a tunnel up the ass of A&F.

This series almost makes me long for the time of “You Have Cancer.”

Survival of the fittest missed one

Sometimes I wonder how I'm still alive. Not really because I lead a dangerous and exciting life, but more because I am a complete dolt.

I've been completing adults tasks lately, insurance and banking stuff, so I decided I'd continue being responsible and get an outlet that hasn't worked for a few months fixed.

When I got home from work today, I was greeted by an embarrassing note. I called the repairman to my apartment so he could tell me the light switch across the room controls the outlet and it had been switched off.

I is smart.

Today on my fav morning show....

While doing a spot at the State House this morning for the tree lighting, Johnny DiLoretto said something to the effect of, “You think I’m just a silly guy who runs around and does things, but I am interviewing House Speaker Jon Husted.”

Good point, JD.

However, you may want to think about the questions you asked Husted before going all Woodward and Bernstein on our asses.

The hard-hitting questions JD threw at our House Speaker were: How do you celebrate the holidays? Is it hard to get together with family to celebrate during the holidays?


Wow, way to throw those curve balls, JD. Get ready for your Pulitzer.

In other Good Day Columbus news, Kent Justice (who may have the best name ever and could totally be a superhero when he's not on TV) interviewed Jennifer Garner while JD made a gingerbread house yesterday.

I couldn't think of more appropriate assignments.

Freedom! And Puffs Plus

I've been fighting my own personal cold war for going on six days now. It started off on Sunday when those red commie bastards snuck into my body and slowly started to sabotage me with a sore throat and too much coughing.

Today I've nearly combated the sore throat, but now they're tormenting me with more coughing, sinus pain and mucus. I'll teach them though. I've aimed nuclear weapons at them and I'm sending in spies.

If that doesn't work I don't know what I'll do, but I will tear this wall down.

I really need a history lesson.