Zombie Strippers -- take your whole family to see it!

Because I know everyone is curious, I went to see Zombie Strippers at the Gateway yesterday and it rocked my socks.

Robert Englund, better known as Freddie Krueger, and Jenna Jameson were in it as well as some unknowns who did a decent job. The movie was absolutely ridiculous -- and when I say ridiculous I MEAN RIDICULOUS -- and riddled with stereotypes and boobies, but with a title like Zombie Strippers what else can you expect?

The cheese factor was high, but movies like Zombie Strippers can't afford not to make fun of themselves. Robert Englund is awesome as the sleazy strip club owner and really the only likable character, besides the extremely stereotypical janitor, Paco. There is plenty of gore (though a few scenes were pretty badly done), but the makeup was awesome. Jenna Jameson looked absolutely hideous for most of the movie and she played her part well. There's an incredibly cheesy fight scene between two zombie strippers and the zombies stripping are pretty funny too.

My only complaints were the unneeded military and the political statements the movie tried to make by continually bashing GW. The movie starts out not so far into the future where GW is taking his fourth term in office with Arnold as VP and Jenna Bush as Supreme Court Justice. It annoyed me that a film so clearly out to be cheesy and over the top had to bash the pres. Why try to make a statement? Just show us zombies and strippers damnit!

But all in all, its a great movie to watch, be entertained and not be tempted to think, at all. I'd try to catch it soon to. From what I've heard, it a limited engagement.

Best or Worst Dialogue Ever?

I thought I'd witnessed the worst dialogue ever in Flash Gordon (for example: Eagleman- "That must be a good planet you got!" Flash. FG- "It's not bad.")

Somehow JWray's suggested movie Sleepaway Camp seems worse. Not only did the mother creep me out in 15 seconds flat, but child molesters in the first 10 minutes had priceless lines.

Young cook chewing on a toothpick in a perverse manner- "Mmmm, look at all that fresh young chicken.... Where I come from we call them baldies. Makes your mouth water doesn't it?"
Old cook- "They're too young to even understand what's on your mind."
YC- "That's the good thing my buddy. There ain't no such thing as too young. You're just too old."
OC- "Huh, huh, huh."

And it gets even better.

Dead Alive Changed My Life

I used the fourth of July to celebrate my right to watch cheesy horror movies and it may become a tradition. Thanks to Blockbuster.com (no this is not a commercial) I watched Re-Animator and Dead Alive.

I'm a little ashamed to say I'd never seen Re-Animator before and have been waiting forever for the chance. It was as cool as microwaving a zombie baby, but I must admit I was much more impressed with Dead Alive.

***Warning, More Baby Violence to Follow***

I don't know how to effectively communicate how cool Dead Alive was, so I'll say this:

The main character takes a zombie baby to the park in a baby carriage and when it escapes he has to step on it, launch a swing at it's head and pound it's head on a pole. After he gets it under control he stuffs it into a bag and explains his behavior by saying "Hyperactive" to horrified on-lookers.

There is also zombie fighting with a lawn mower and a kung-fu who priest says "I kick arse for the Lord."

I'm sure my humble description does not do this horrifically funny zombie movie justice, but if you're a fan watch it. And it was directed by the guy who did The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Hey Mr. Postman

I know I'm a little late to the game, but I finally signed up for one of those internet movie services. Yay, I'm no longer stuck in 2004!

Now that I've taken the leap, I'm very pleased with myself. I never realized or even thought about all the low-budget crap I'd be able to find through this.

A Boy and His Dog? Never seen it on a shelf, but blockbuster.com has it.

Escape From LA was always mysteriously absent, but it's now on my queue. Dead Alive? Number four on my list.

G. Jonah searched all the local video stores to find me Maximum Overdrive. It should now be in the mail with my name on it.

Sure I'll miss winding my way through the video stores aisles, picking up classics and laughing when a red-faced guy snatches Music and Lyrics from the shelf and runs away, but I'm open to expanding my movie horizon.

Killer Steamroller

I'm not sure what it is about bad movies, but I can't get enough of them. Someone mentioned Maximum Overdrive today and I can't stop thinking about it. I must rent it.

I want to fake sick so I can go home and watch it now.

For you poor souls who haven't heard of Maximum Overdrive, here's the dish.

It's a little apocalyptic story about machines that come to life and kill humans when a comet passes by earth. The 1986 flick is written and directed by Stephen King, although after the reviews, King said that would be his only foray into directing. The movie stars Emilio Estevez, a maniac toy semi and an ATM machine that calls Stephen King an asshole.

This winning film even has deaths scenes including a child being run over by a steamroller and a man being electrocuted by his earphones.

How could this little gem not be good?